Sunday, September 27, 2009

newborn monkey

I think there is something wrong with me or something missing from my brain.

Ok, well, I dont really feel this way, but I feel like "society" or whatever wants me to feel this way. So many people I know are married/engaged/having babies. I honestly think it is kind of rediculous. A girl I went to high school with just had a baby a couple months ago. She was a year or two ahead of me so its not like she was a young mom, but still seems kind of young to me. Anyway, I feel like a terrible person, but I was looking at pics on facebook and thought the baby looked like a little alien. I like kids, once they're old enough to have a conversation, but when it comes to babies I just dont get it. Dont get me wrong, I love looking at cute little baby clothes and want to have kids of my own someday, but I dont feel this "biological clock" ticking away while my eggs die. I feel like there is nothing wrong with being single and unmarried with no kids. I am able to focus on myself and becoming the best person I can be at this moment in time. I can spend time being creative and crafting and going on adventures. I truely believe that spending the time now to become a better person will make a better girlfriend/wife/mother some day. Someday but not today.

Whenever I am around babies, I feel so awkward. I feel like the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, when they're at their neighbors party and she has to hold the baby while the lady runs to change and Angelina looks soooo awkward. I really feel like that. Maybe because I am an only child with older cousins and was never around babies? I don't know. They're cute, but sometimes I just dont get it. When I was in Arizona in Aug, I got to meet my cousin's new baby. My aunt and other cousin and Nanny were making such a fuss. I truely do not understand. I held Palmer (the baby) for a little while, but he couldnt do anything. His parents are older parents (they're early 30's) and had a very cool life before baby so luckily baby did not become their whole life.

Maybe I would feel different if I were in a relationship, but I dont think so. Even in a previous one where I knew I was going to marry the guy, I didnt want to get married for a while and wanted to be married for years before having kids. I just don't understand.

1 comment:

  1. i know what you mean. sometimes i feel like something is wrong with me bc im not anywhere near being married. i cant even find a normal guy! i am one of those baby lovers though! i like babies more than children


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